Breaking Up

“They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company.”  Acts 15:39

Breaking up is hard to do.  I’m not talking about marriage, for except in extreme cases, “I do” should last until death—and homicide isn’t holy!!  I’m talking about the rest of your relationships—business partnerships, church affiliation, social associations, friendships, etc.   Sometimes in these interactions with others, situations arise where we don’t feel the same way or think the same thing as someone else, and we find ourselves in a clash of opinions, ideas, principles, or plans.  Hopefully, and usually, through honest discussions and selfless compromise these issues are mutually resolved, but occasionally, harmony doesn’t happen and we must decide—can we agree to disagree and stay together or should we split?

For Paul and Barnabas, the second option was their only option.  When Paul suggested that he and Barnabas check on the churches “in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord”(Acts 15:36), Barnabas said, “Let’s go, and let’s take Mark too.”  But Paul did not have room for a tried-but-not-true traveling companion who had deserted them not long into their first trip.  Barnabas felt Mark deserved a second-chance, another go-round at mission work, but Paul would have none of it.  If he was going, Mark wasn’t, and as for Barnabas, if Mark couldn’t go, he wouldn’t either.  “They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company”(Acts 15:39).

Earlier in life, this passage made me cringe, and I wished that God had left it out so Christians seemed nicer, but after a few more years of living, I now find this verse, though still not comfortable, quite comforting.  Sometimes, when no resolution can be reached between two people or two groups who are both seeking God, you should simply part ways.  As with Paul and Barnabas, disputes don’t always have a right or wrong answer—simply different opinions or opposite preferences.  Paul didn’t want to take a chance while Barnabas was willing to give another chance.  Since they couldn’t resolve and remain together, they decided to split.

It’s important to note that though they no longer worked together, neither quit working.  “Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus”(Acts 15:39)—the initial destination of their first journey.  “Paul chose Silas…and went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches”(Acts 15:40).  The results of Paul’s travels are well-documented throughout the book of Acts, and surely Barnabas’ nurture and encouragement shaped Mark, the author of the first written gospel.  Though Paul and Barnabas didn’t see eye to eye on a matter of individual ministry, they saw heart to heart on God’s overall mission, and both continued to give their lives for the gospel.

As you relate and interact with the others in your life, do your best to maintain harmony during the hard stuff.  Someone doesn’t have to win, and you’ll both lose if you handle it wrong.  Try to stay together, but it you must split, leave well.  Breakups are always hard, but they should never be harsh.

What we do with our differences often makes the biggest difference.