This Time

“This time I will praise the Lord.”    Genesis 29:35

Unloved and unlovely, Leah quickly found herself the third wheel of a bicycle built for two.  As her husband, Jacob granted her his body but never gave his heart.  She wanted him to be with her out of desire not duty, but the prospects of such seemed slim.  

And then she got pregnant.  And had a baby boy.  A firstborn son was a sign of Jacob’s potency and a source for Jacob’s pride.  “Surely my husband will love me now,” Leah declared.  But he didn’t.

And then she got pregnant again.  And had a baby boy.  A second son showed that the first was not a fluke.  Jacob was a real man, and this child was real proof.  Surely he would love her now.  But he didn’t.

And then she got pregnant again.  And had a baby boy.  At this point Leah had given up on love but still longed to be liked.  To be connected in some way—any way.  “Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.”  But he didn’t.

And then she got pregnant again.  And had a baby boy.  But this time—“This time,” she said, “I will praise the Lord.”  She realized that even when Jacob wasn’t looking at her, God was.  When Jacob wasn’t listening to her, God was.  When Jacob wasn’t loving her, God was.  God was the one who filled her empty arms and helped her lonely heart, so she shifted her focus from the one who wasn’t around to the One who was always there.

Stop striving to find your self-worth and security in the accolades and affections of others.

They will let you down, but God will hold you up. 

This time, praise the Lord.